ghost of you-

Saturday, June 11

ahaha i woke up at 12 todae! was damn tired la. had a bad headache ytd nite. went to bed at 9+.. was lying there den toking on the fone.. ahaha in the end slept at 12+.

todae was quite slack. wanted to pia de. but woke up.. eyes cldnt even reali open properly.. hahha studied a little of organic chemistry. until i buay tahan went to slp. n slacked till now!

i wld b free on the 18th of nov. yay. for now itz onli 100+ days to o lev. haha.

ahh i hate it when my bro raises his voice. juz now they were arguing abt car stuff. he wants to get a new car cos he thinks the car repairs arent worth it. but his baby is due in another 7 mths time.. dun realli think he shd fork out another few thousands on the car. aiya den they argue until all the f word.. knn.. kaobei n stuff all came out. haiya i cldnt even go to slp properly. honestly i dun realli like my bro la k. 9 years of age gap summore. aiya sum guys juz suck la can. n im saying sum not all. so theres nothing wrong in turning to homosexuality.

ive thot abt it le anw. this hols i will focus on content! memorising n getting concepts n stuff right. cos at the start of term.. it'll b all the doing of past yr papers. so muz get the stuff right 1st. practice can wait. cos if dun get the concepts clear.. oso no point. ya so gonna focus on chem n bio.

yupp ok. n im not gonna give a damn abt tt jerk. im serious.

haunted ;
time;6:00 PM

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Friday, June 10

did it have to end like tt?

"and to you, ____, i have nothing nice to say. i don't want to spite you here, its not fair to you. but yes you've just screwed me over again. you don't get it do you? i'm living in the shadows of your memory, and it hurts big time. leave me alone, and i'm serious. the only reason why i bothered to waste time talking in circles is to shield you from more pain, but apparently you like it don't you? or i guess you wouldn't hve called me for your serious talk. to me it had ended when i said so, right there at the competition period. now that you dont take me seriously, i have to live through it twice over. no no don't talk about how i should get on with my life. just leave me alone. i don't want to think about it. i don't want to think about you. if you finally got my point anyway, its just too late. i'm not going to take no more shit. i hate angsting, i hate punching walls and shit, but i relived it again today. i may be weak-minded, but no i will not give a shit anymore. leave me alone. leave me alone. leave me alone. leave me alone."

does it realli hafta be like tt? do u realli hate me tt much? im shattered. it alwayz turns out like tt. even when we talk nicely, u will juz turn the tables n treat it like hell. ok mayb to u it was. again ure pushing me to the edge. i will definitely leave u alone. u have my word.

slping at 4am n crying for the whole day n gonna be the whole nite isnt realli a gd thing. my eyes hurt.

thanks to ben n zhixiong.. yeah thanks for being there.

ok im not in the mood anymore. i feel like shit. u will say i give u shit n i will say u give me shit. so wdv. im screwed up n i screw things up. im gonna cry summore. realli.

haunted ;
time;8:30 PM

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wah shit la i screwed things up again. as usual i never get things right. it realli realli hurts la. ouch.

now tt things r cleared up n has realli come to an end.. i hafta move on. i chose to go along wif wad u want. not realli a compromise. juz tt i realli feel tt itz the best for u.

onli todae den ive seen how much ive actualli hurt u. n i dun haf the right to hurt u anymore. so i juz hafta let u go. but i was surprised. i never knew u were tt hurt. u chose not to hurt me tt much.. n so u brought the hurt onto urself. ure right. u din haf to. all this while ive been thinking tt the memories r gd.. n precious to b treasured. to me uve given me happiness. but today it hurts me to noe tt to u the whole journey together was realli tt bad. almost like a nightmare. n ive made u lose the confidence to face anyone else. im really really sorry.

yeah i noe ive hurt u again today. tt was wad i was worried abt.. n it realli happened. but at least we've cleared things up. i chose to go along wif the way tt i actualli dun want to.. cos i want u to move on to. im not pushing u.. neither m i telling u wad u shd do. but i realli want to see a better u. it may be months or years till we ever meet again.. but tts fine with me. i juz hope to see a happier u by then.

we've chosen to go against friendship n the possibility of walking backwards. so for now i guess we'll move on the parallel lines.. somewhat as strangers - achieving wad we want in our studies n get over this n fill up the gaps in our lives... till the day we're ready n ever meet again.

i was shattered. it was the 1st time tt ive seen u cry.. n i hope tt it wld be the last ever.

haunted ;
time;2:43 PM

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wahlaoo couldnt sleep again la! went to bed at 12+. argh couldnt slp!!! ehh i onli slept for 40min in the aftnn lar! den looked hp hp.. it was 1am.. den 1.37.. den 2.27.. n 4+ i was still up la. haiya. den i think i fell asleep. n woke up at 8. den slacked arnd in bed till 9+. haiya. expected tt i wldnt b able to slp la. but not till like 4+. so ya i feel kinda tired now. hope tt i wld b ok later. ya kinda trying to keep my eyes open.

ahh anw mornings r gd again! wif dan n grace back together for morning madness these few days. yayy. last wk it was either grace alone or dan alone. weird.

aiya v worried. =/

haunted ;
time;10:10 AM

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Thursday, June 9

ahaha managed to do quite a bit of math todae. finished another rev exercise. shall go do more later.

10 june - i realli pray tt everything will go well. it all depends on me. im scared. but im gonna do it.

yupp. aiya now my parents damn naggy. even my dad has started saying me liao. oops. cos i use comp too much >< but at least i got do work k! haiya but i guess itz not enuff. once i slack a little more.. the hols wld b over b4 i even noe it. 1 half wks+ gone!! argh. plus i guess i wldnt b in the mood to anything tmr.

n i shd start revision for othr subjects instead of doing amath onli.

i wanna go for aviva open! but itz 27th jun to 3rd jul. aiya whole of the 1st wk of sch. mayb juz go for finals ba. hahaa hope susilo gets into the finals. yay.

haunted ;
time;9:41 PM

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Wednesday, June 8

Closer To Me - Five

Constantly girl you're on my mind,
and girl I think about you all of the time
and even though words are hard to say,
girl I miss you, never thought I'd feel this way.

[BRIDGE]
If you keep on taking, my heart you'll be breaking so why do you do this to me?
You know how I'm feeling it's you I believe in baby can't you see that I need you?

[CHORUS]
You know that it's true.
Every time I see your face I miss you baby
You know that it's you.
I want to let you know you're driving me crazy.
I'd do anything to help you to see, I don't think you understand what you're doing to me.
You know that it's true.
Every now and then I want to call you baby.
You know that it's you.
I say a prayer that you'll come back to me lady.
Oh yeah.
Life ain't anything alone can't you see you're an angel in my eyes,
everyday you're closer to me.

Nobody's there when I call your name,
and nights are cold girl without your flame.
But if I could girl I'd make you see.
That I'm sorry, and that I need you here with me.

[BRIDGE]

[CHORUS]

Every day reminisce with the past
of a love that we thought would last.
How we used to be when it was you and me.
How did it all disappear so fast.
There are days that I can't forget
there are things that I now regret.
I was there for you when you were there for me, and I was thinkin' we were set.
Every night when I'm laying in my bed
I hear your voice going round in my head, think of all the things
I could have done and all those things I could have said.
I really will make it up to you
I know now what I've got to do,
It took time but now I've realised how much I'm missing you.

[CHORUS]

haunted ;
time;9:57 PM

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haiya todae's studying wasnt gd. was v v tired. was stoning.. n eating.. n doing math.. n stoning.. n playing.. n eating.. n doing. n trying to do.. n eating.. n stoning.. n playing. so ya shows how much i did.

oh ya todae saw so many shuai guys la! 8!! hahahhaha. 2 on 154.. 2 at serene. ya major distraction. oops. den aft tt was leaving n walking towards the bus sotp. got 2 caucasians 1 aft another. wah the 1st 1 looks like david beckham la! shuai. the 2nd 1 oso shuai. den aft tt saw another 1 at the bus stop.. n the last 1 at the ngee ann poly bus stop. hahaha ok. quite rare. tong muz be jealous!

den juz now was walking home.. got a lot of drangonflies at the fields.. den got a lot of birds.. haha ok. haiya was juz thinking if i had a neighbourhood la.. now every day go home alwayz see grass see trees see sky. ya nice la. but aiya neighbourhood nice too. my condo is so isloated =/ onli got field. cheers. n mrt station n bus stop. i miss the yishun neighbourhood. the playgrnds.. basketball courts.. snr citizens' corner.. coffee shops.. stalls.. shops.. ha alwayz rmb the ABC supermart. hahaha. n CK departmental store n the chinese medical hall. the fruit stall. the cc n the mac. n the barber! ahahha. still recognise the malay guy. ahh nvm i cant have everything. aiya but realli la gets quite sian sumtimes. at nite walk home damn quiet n scary la! so dark! hahaha.

hmm ok nvm. next time i'll move house to sumwhere nice (=

oh n sorry to zhixiong for hanging up on u twice. ha it was intentional. oops. sorry laa.

haiya k damn tired.

haunted ;
time;9:30 PM

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eh cool sumhow the driving force seems to work. i was doing math till like 2+am. slept at 3.15. hahaha. n i think my concentration level was gd hahha. itz like almost 1 n a half wks of the hols gone. hai. ok itz back to going out to study yay. n get fat =/

ha my entries r getting shorter. they arent essayish anymore. n tts gd.

btw is everyone deprived or sth. y like so many ppl enjoy gaying arnd.. hmm

ok um ya bye

haunted ;
time;10:31 AM

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Tuesday, June 7

eh i realised im more efficient when i study outside. but itz more fattening. ahaha. sian la spent todae doing compre.. n 2 summaries. yay done. den went running. ahahha nice. den i run finish was cooling down n strolling. den this old guy was cycling towards me.. stared at me n said, "dun give up". hahahha cool.

ya ok gonna bathe again n do math. ahahaha. yay. so exciting. =/

haunted ;
time;8:32 PM

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another sleepless night. or morning. or wdv la. slept at 11+.. den woke up at 4+.. went toilet. den cldnt slp liao. thought of how ive spent these 2 months. yeah itz almost 2 months already. realli la.. thanks to the ppl who've helped me along the way. the examinations pushed me along too. even till now there r still ppl who r trying to help me. thanks man. realli appreciate it haha. anw aiya the absence n emptiness realli scares me. to the point tt i was crying on the mrt. n there was this guy directly opposite who was trying hard not to stare. ah nvm. aiya but wad can i do la. if ure happier i'll live with it n move on. now ure my driving force in mugging. haha n i will do it.

yea itz back to mugging.

haunted ;
time;10:48 AM

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Monday, June 6

aiya all thanks to the nap i had ytd evening frm 6+pm-9pm.. hahhaa den cldnt sleep at nite! ya expected la. was smsing till like er 2.. dunno la kept crapping. monkeys n rabbits n dunno wad. den cldnt slp.. until 5+ was still awake. den i think managed to slp for a while.. until 9.

kaiming retarded la. supp to meet him at ps at 11.30. den his training ended early.. so in the end he reached at 10.05. like so early go town do wad! so yah i had to get up earlier to meet earlier too. hahha. reached at arnd 11.10. n hes lame can. he was playing hide n seek wif me at ps. like ps damn big.. 7 storeys plus 2 basements.. anw i spotted him n thot he was cuming up but he din so i was like aiya wdv la went toilet. den spotted him downstairs again so rushed down n found him. n he sian diao cos he already ate 1 ice kachang n played 4 games at arcade already n floated arnd for v long. haha. den wahlao still got damn long la 1 hour plus. went times bookstore.. n arcade again. oh ya den he told me when i was going up the escalator looking for him he was actualli going down. so juz nice crossed. but i din see hahahha. oops.

anw monster in law is damn nice!! wah damn funny la! hahaha. n itz not juz another jlo movie like most ppl wld say. this movie begs to differ man! anw "shall we dance" was nice too wad!! jlo so... not like she cant act. haha yeah so it rocks la. n kaiming damn qian bian i eat popcorn onli den he had to tell me the fatter i'll get if i ate summore. hahaha

ahha den dunno wad la walked arnd. saw yijun! den walked to cine to see my dream tennis racquet. ah but wdv he juz refused to agree tt itz zai.

anw watched madagascar ytd. v v v nice too! ahhaa v funny. but meaningful too. stuff tt we can relate to in real life. yeah itz like whether we wanna b like the zebra n go out to the wild.. or b like the rest n stay in their boxes n routines. n oso we see the importance of friendships. haha. yeahh realli nice movie. ya but quite short la an hour n a half.

yupp yay 2 movies in 2 days. n going out wif 3 diff ppl in 3 consecutive days.

ok ya itz back to mugging tmr!

haunted ;
time;9:13 PM

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Sunday, June 5

life without you scares me so.

haunted ;
time;5:17 PM

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